Last night I watched Kevin Costner's The Postman and because I know you haven't seen it, I'm going to tell you about it.

The first thing to know about The Postman is that it's great. That's a provocative statement, I know, and contrary to popular opinion. But isn't that why you come to The Spoonbender? To delight in provocative statements contrary to popular opinion that are also totally fucking right on? I know it is. And rest assured, The Postman is great.

Why is it great? For one, because Tom Petty's in it. But he's not just in it, he plays himself in it. A post-apocalyptic himself. It's like the "You Got Lucky" video, except with lines. Consider the below exchange:

Kevin Costner as The Postman: "Wait. I know you. You're famous."
Tom Petty as Tom Petty: "Yeah. I was. Before... this."

And how, post-apocalyptic Tom Petty. And how.

If the fact that Tom Petty plays himself in the movie isn't enough for you, know that The Postman also has the greatest denouement in all of film. Now there be spoilers ahead, so if you're already sold, stop reading now and head straight to the video store. But if you're like so many lovers of great thought and are unable to pry yourself from The Spoonbender, know this: Even my remarkable writing cannot do justice to the powerful performance of Kevin Costner that director Kevin Costner magnificently captured in the scene I'm about to describe.

The ragtag armies of The Postman and the evil General Bethlehem face each other, preparing for their final conflict. Though hopelessly outnumbered, The Postman's men and women are prepared to fight and die free. But in a shocking turn, The Postman invokes Bethlehem's Clan's 7th Law -- that any Clansman can challenge the Clan's leader at any time. Laughing, Bethlehem dismiss the claim, as The Postman is not a Clan member. The Postman then rips down the sleeve of his frayed USPS uniform to reveal the Clan's "8" brand on his shoulder. But how? He rides along the clan lines to prove the validity of his claim. Though shocked, Bethlehem agrees and the two face off. They grapple for a few moments, and The Postman appears bested. As General Bethlehem raises his sword to The Postman's neck, they share the below exchange:

General Bethlehem: "I know why you can't fight. Because to fight, you have to believe in something. I believe in something. You don't believe in anything."

Kevin Costner's The Postman: "I believe in something. I... believe... in... America!"

And with that, The Postman overturns General Bethlehem and beats him within an inch of his life.

Analogcabin @ 5:00 PM
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