tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55099492008-12-17T08:53:30.682-08:00The SpoonbenderAnalogcabinnoreply@blogger.comBlogger995125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-29693509813748426442008-12-17T08:22:00.000-08:002008-12-17T08:53:30.689-08:00In a stunning revelation, yesterday Florida police <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/12/16/walsh.case.closed/index.html" target=_blank>identified</a> a deceased drifter as the man responsible for the abduction and murder or Adam Walsh, son of famous crime-fighting reality show host John Walsh. The crime has been unsolved for the 27 years since Walsh's body was found.<br /><br /><i>"If Ottis Toole was alive today, he would be arrested for the abduction and murder of Adam Walsh on July 27, 1981," Hollywood Police Chief Chad Wagner said at an afternoon news conference. "Lucky for him, he's dead."<br /><br />"Afterward, Toole would be transferred into LAPD custody to face charges for the murder of 'The Black Dahlia,' Elizabeth Short, and then on to Colorado to face a jury for the murder of Jon Benet Ramsey. Further, we have reason to believe that, during what was apparently a junket to Africa, Toole was involved in a dispute with beloved primatologist Dian Fossey, who was of course later murdered. If he were alive today, Toole would be questioned about this case, as well," continued Wagner.<br /><br />"We also have reason to believe that Toole may have been in possession of the bodies of both Chandra Levy and Natalee Holloway. Were he living and to have a place of residence, it would be thoroughly searched. Despite that he is dead, and will never face trial -- the cornerstone of our system of justice -- you can rest assured that Toole would undoubtedly be found guilty of these crimes, were he alive," a visibly emotional Wagner continued.<br /><br />"Of course, there is also the matter of time that Toole is said to have spent in and around Dallas in the autumn of 1963, but we're not able to make any further comments about that investigation at this time."</i><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-11076322379844516462008-12-16T11:18:00.001-08:002008-12-16T12:03:34.334-08:00The first sentence that entered my mind when I set about beginning this post was, "It's been so long, I can barely remember how to work this thing." It's only a marginally better way to begin a blog post than it is a pick up line, but I'm going to run with it. I mean, fuck. What does it matter? By now everything is all Twittery, and even a blog post is too time consuming to consume. I remember all the times I'd beat myself up for apply energies to something as ephemeral as a blog. I'm talking seconds upon seconds of guilt. Now, the idea of committing more than five words to anything seems like building an ark. Clearly, my days of demanding high dollar sponsorships and nude photos from readers are over.<br /><br />Or have they just begun?<br /><br />Whilst we ponder that, I proffer this, a Christmas wish list:<br /><br /><i>Ten Things Every American Family Wants in Their Stockings this Christmas, and Excluding My Hands</i><br /><br />1. Ammunition.<br />2. Tickets to that which will unburden us of our worries and allay our very souls -- Jim Carrey's <i>The Yes Man</i>.<br />3. A note from God reading, "Gotcha!"<br />4. A trade.<br />5. Anything distracting.<br />6. A wormhole back to the good old late '70's.<br />7. A stocking.<br />8. A draft notice.<br />9. An envelope full of Mexican pesos.<br />10. Coal.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-36993153123538090112008-11-05T08:52:00.000-08:002008-11-05T08:55:14.534-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.thespoonbender.com/uploaded_images/pol_070928_obama_smsquare_5a.standard-797931.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 298px; height: 262px;" src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/uploaded_images/pol_070928_obama_smsquare_5a.standard-797928.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />To everyone who voted, volunteered, or donated, thank you.<br /><br />I'd like to claim that this means I'll get back to it, old school, but I can't say that for sure. Let's do one great thing for the world at a time, shall we?<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-56747460554725643182008-10-23T08:54:00.001-07:002008-10-23T08:58:38.500-07:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.thespoonbender.com/uploaded_images/102308_greenspan-735822.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 294px; height: 320px;" src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/uploaded_images/102308_greenspan-735790.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br><br />"Credit tsunami?" More like a liver spot tsunami! Zing!<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-45323227136917043882008-08-14T09:11:00.000-07:002008-08-14T10:12:13.643-07:00I'll admit that I've been out of the loop for a while. I've been avoiding the news, and I certainly haven't been posting anything here. But from time to time one is compelled to speak out against outrageous injustice. For me that time is now.<br /><br />And so I demand, here in the public, that Russia withdraw from Georgia, that they do it swiftly, and that they leave nothing but apologies in their wake.<br /><br />Perhaps they could also leave vouchers of some kind in their wake. For something made in Russia. Raspberry Vodka or something.<br /><br />Agents and actors on behalf of Russia have been making hay of things like <a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSL1556589920080715" target=_blank>US troops having trained in Georgia</a>, or even <a href="http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2005/05/20050510-2.html" target=_blank>our great President having visited Georgia</a>. How silly! We paid for those bases, we'll train troops in them, and our elected officials will visit them as often as we, as the greatest nation on Earth, like.<br /><br />Clearly Russia is trying capture some of that "American Magic." They've been witness to the massive economic success we've seen as a result of our various invasions, and they're simply trying to replicate that. Perhaps their actions stem from a concern that they need to diversify their economy and move away from one based solely on the export of petroleum products and leggy blonde white slaves. Sure, that economy has managed a <a href="http://uk.reuters.com/article/oilRpt/idUKL1380890920080313" target=_blank>budget surplus of nearly $18 billion dollars</a>. That may even seem like a good thing to the uneducated and filthy, like the Russians. But clearly massive budget shortfalls and debt are the key to real economic dynamism, as is evidenced by our great nation.<br /><br />You enjoying that XBox? You bet your ass you are.<br /><br />So while Russia's rationale may be understandable, they've picked the wrong nation to invade. I mean, Georgia? Really? Why not pick one of those Istans south of you. No one can even name those places, let alone find them. Take one of those. Hell, take two.<br /><br />But invading Georgia is not OK. It's not "peachy." And while we may not have the military capability to do it now, sooner or later, Russia, the people of Georgia will drive you into the Atlantic.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-37045397102285796272008-06-18T09:11:00.001-07:002008-06-18T09:11:13.621-07:00<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_VHQS5q6je0&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_VHQS5q6je0&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-25495075972694353012008-03-24T06:40:00.000-07:002008-03-24T06:44:51.987-07:00Hillary Clinton's foreign policy experience is much vaunted, especially by her. Consider her time in Bosnia:<br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iOsGo_HWP-c&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/iOsGo_HWP-c&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />That the mainstream media continues to let these incredible fabrications stand is depressing if not surprising.<br /><br /><i>Via <a href="http://www.dailykos.com" target=_blank>Kos</a></i><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-88319835589433642022008-03-06T13:09:00.000-08:002008-03-06T13:14:30.931-08:00So there were a lot of pundits who speculated that the leaked memo which said the Obama campaign downplayed to the Canadian embassy the importance of his NAFTA comments cost Barack a lot of votes in Ohio and Texas. It might have even cost him the win.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/3/6/131942/6208/326/470547" target=_blank>Except that the memo didn't say anything like that, and the comments in question actually came from the Clinton campaign.</a><br /><br />This is what we're up against.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-51302148880647902912008-02-04T08:10:00.000-08:002008-02-04T08:11:01.971-08:00<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jjXyqcx-mYY&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jjXyqcx-mYY&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />Get out and vote tomorrow.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-47614541640809314042008-01-24T09:48:00.001-08:002008-01-24T10:13:48.489-08:00In a move that is sure to assuage the fears of institutional investors and venture capitalists worldwide, King Kong Bushy, fresh off demanding a five count from a surgified Iraq, has agreed with Congress on an <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/01/24/economic.stimulus/index.html" target=_blank>economic stimulus package</a>. The plan, designed to forestall the utter collapse of civilization that is hurtling toward us like a fat man on banana peel skis, should put a whopping $600 into the pockets of every taxpaying American.<br /><br />Because I work with alarming alacrity, I have engaged a team of pollsters and tasked them with testing the financial prostates of Joe Public and his wife, Suzie Herpes.<br /><br /><i>America, What Do You Plan on Doing with Your Economic Stimuslix?</i><br /><br />11%: Donating It to Mike Huckabee for President<br /><br />33%: Buying Investment Property<br /><br />6%: Adding a NOX Injector to My 2008 Prius<br /><br />14%: Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery<br /><br />20%: Hiring a Videographer to Produce a High Quality Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Submission Tape<br /><br />43%: Buying a 56" Flatscreen 1080p Plasma TV at Best Buy -- 2 Years, No Interest<br /><br />21%: Purchasing Small Caliber Rifle to Fight Off Foreclosure Agents<br /><br />87%: Building Border Fence<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-43665058548011207832008-01-08T10:49:00.000-08:002008-01-08T10:55:23.678-08:00We've got another one today, everybody. I'll keep it short: If you're in New Hampshire and registered, get out there and vote for Barack.<br /><br />If you really want to read something, why not check out <a href="http://www.thespoonbender.com/2007/02/with-it-looking-pretty-certain-that.html" target=_blank>this post</a> from way back in February 2007 in which I speculated about what might happen with Obama and McCain's pledges to use only public financing in the general, should their opponent do the same. I think it's interesting to think about again, now that we're closer to the rubber hitting the road.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-1868290008051012572008-01-03T08:27:00.000-08:002008-01-03T08:30:44.981-08:00So today's the day, finally. The first of a few days, really. But it's a big 'un, for sure. I'm not going to get into all of this again, for fear I'll have to track down and beat up more brigands, so let it suffice to say that if you're reading this from Iowa, go caucus for Obama.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-81521608370844249282007-11-06T09:16:00.001-08:002007-11-06T14:29:40.625-08:00<i>The Labor Movement in Early 21st Century America: A Romance</i><br /><br />"This isn't something just anybody can do, or would want to." Marc Glosberg is lean, drawn. As he walks the line, he barely lifts his feet off the ground. He hasn't shaved. His red-rimmed eyes are tired and serious. Like Marc, they tell stories.<br /><br />"On <i>Gossip Girl</i>, sometimes we'll work six, even seven days a week. When we're up against it with rewrites, sometimes late into the night." Marc's eyes lose focus.' "Sometimes I wonder what I'm giving up by doing this work." <br /><br />"Después de trabajar hasta que es demasiado oscuro, camino de nuevo a ciudad. Toma dos horas." Emilio Ramirez has weathered skin. It is dark from the sun, and the lines down his cheeks are deep. The skin on his palms looks thick and tough. He hasn't shaved. His red-rimmed eyes are tired and serious. Like Emilio, they pick flowers every day during the spring, perform odd jobs when they can, and sometimes find work with a cousin who has a truck and does landscaping.<br /><br />"En México, trabajé todo el dia y todavía no podría alimentar a mi familia. Aquí, debo trabajar muy difícilmente, pero mi familia puede tener un futuro."<br /><br />"This is about fairness. When people watch <i>Gossip Girl</i> on the internet, I deserve to be paid. When they watch it on DVD, I want my cut." The sun is higher in the sky now, and Marc puts down his sign. He pulls off a burgundy Harvard University sweatshirt and puts on an off white Longboard Ale ball cap. "I worked hard on that show, and if the studio is making money on it, then I should be."<br /><br />"Cuando escojo las flores, tengo gusto de pensar de ser joven. Escoger las flores y las daba a mi esposa. Recordando que marcas el movimiento del tiempo menos lentamente." The sun is higher in the sky now, and Emilio removes his sweat-stained cowboy hat. He wipes his brow with some cloth torn from an old Hard Rock Cafe tee shirt. "Tener trabajo es bueno. Pero deseo que podía ver a un doctor, porque tengo dolor en mi pecho."<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-21429272578560125532007-07-31T10:49:00.000-07:002007-07-31T10:50:12.709-07:00<img src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/images/0707/mclaughlin_073107.jpg"/><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-12588465809636536802007-07-07T17:57:00.000-07:002007-07-07T17:59:23.059-07:00<img src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/images/0707/070707_mclaughlin.jpg"/><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-72336684633081690622007-06-29T09:16:00.000-07:002007-06-29T09:18:19.168-07:00<img src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/images/0607/062907_mclaughlin.jpg"/><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-85809186615452686962007-06-08T09:59:00.001-07:002007-06-08T10:05:31.244-07:00Ben Silverman, the man tasked with unspilling NBC's ratings milk, <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,278814,00.html" target=_blank>says he will "do anything" to get Rosie O'Donnell</a> on the network's air.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/images/0607/060807_strap.jpg"/><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-2202807707279231642007-06-06T13:29:00.000-07:002007-06-06T13:30:39.652-07:00<img src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/images/0607/060607_kauai.jpg"/><br /><br />This is where I was for a while and I feel much better now.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-33187749605000406232007-05-21T10:27:00.000-07:002007-05-21T10:47:29.954-07:00Last night I had a dream that I was on <i>The McLaughlin Group</i>. Well, not actually on it. In the dream, I had just had lunch with John McLaughlin and the rest of the group. We had either just recorded the show or were about to record the show, and it was raining. We were waiting for a cab and were having difficulty getting one. Arianna Huffington was there, which was odd because she's not on the show, and she had a car and driver. She called him and when he arrived (in a Rolls, I believe) she and John jammed in the front seat. Tony Blankley and I told them we'd just grab a cab. Again, odd because the backseat was empty.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-91064871364606516282007-05-16T09:03:00.000-07:002007-05-16T09:07:04.114-07:00Once again, Barack Obama is <a href="http://news.aol.com/elections/president/story/_a/front-runners-refuse-release-of-tax/20070515145909990002?ncid=NWS00010000000001" target=_blank>leading by example</a>. He's absolutely right: I'm sure releasing your tax returns is a thoroughly uncomfortable thing to have to do, but it's about transparency. Americans say they want it, our elected officials claim to fight for it, but how many of them really have the courage of their convictions when the rubber hits the road? Of the big six, exactly one.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-33676583779549927432007-05-14T09:02:00.000-07:002007-05-14T09:11:11.328-07:00So the big news today seems to be that a private equity firm (whatever that is) called <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070514/bs_nm/daimlerchrysler_deal_dc_5;_ylt=Ag_qZRKaT0hdmkNoyJ2GhhwE1vAI" target=_blank>Cerberus Capital bought Chrysler for $7.4 billion</a>.<br /><br />Maybe it's just my perception, but don't the various evil-doings of faceless corporate entities sufficiently project a demonic image? Isn't naming said entities after the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerberus" target=_blank>hound of Hades</a> just ostentacious?<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-71316181871810070322007-05-02T09:11:00.000-07:002007-05-02T09:12:49.927-07:00Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse....<br /><br /><img src="http://www.thespoonbender.com/images/0507/050207_poston.jpg"/><br /><i>Poston, RIP.</i><div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-19327274439864073702007-04-25T15:38:00.000-07:002007-04-25T15:53:46.952-07:00According to the mighty CNN, ethicists in Texas (um, what?) are arguing over whether to remove a baby suffering from a degenerative nerve disorder from life support or not. Central to the question is whether he is in pain. The hospital wants to pull the plug. The baby's mother, who is apparently a fucking idiot, disagrees. She said that she wants to keep her son on the ventilator and feeding tube and allow him to die "naturally, the way God intended."<br /><br />I'm not one to argue about what's natural and what isn't. I mean, I'm sure there are some who'd argue that a Cleveland Steamer isn't natural, but to me that's as natural as organic alfalfa. But if we're going to call a ventilator is natural, doesn't that mean that death itself is unnatural? I'm no doctor, but can't we pretty much keep any lump of meat "alive" these days with a ventilator and feeding tube?<br /><br />I hate to be the bearer of bad news, lady, but if there is a God, he's clearly chosen <i>American Idol</i> or the Stanley Cup playoffs over your son.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-22690084043524077252007-04-18T09:52:00.000-07:002007-04-18T09:53:22.448-07:00<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20070417/edwards-hair" target=_blank>This</a> isn't going to help John Edwards with that whole <i>he's just a haircut</i> thing, is it?<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5509949.post-89053970926635585472007-04-18T09:40:00.000-07:002007-04-18T09:47:40.395-07:00So far today I've encountered a few really amazing headlines regarding the Virginia Tech shooting. The first was, <i>Va. Tech Killer Suicidal</i>. FBI profilers were able to reach that stunning conclusion after discovering him with his gun in his mouth and his face blown off. Then there was, <i>Va. Tech Gunman Had Mental Problems</i>. That story was cracked by the same Woodward who brought us the news that the space shuttle Challenger had mechanical problems.<br /><br />Hooray, news.<div class="blogger-post-footer">--- thespoonbender.com ---</div>Analogcabinnoreply@blogger.com