The Spoonbender

2008-03-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

Hillary Clinton's foreign policy experience is much vaunted, especially by her. Consider her time in Bosnia:

That the mainstream media continues to let these incredible fabrications stand is depressing if not surprising.

Via Kos

2008-03-06T13:09:00.000-08:00

So there were a lot of pundits who speculated that the leaked memo which said the Obama campaign downplayed to the Canadian embassy the importance of his NAFTA comments cost Barack a lot of votes in Ohio and Texas. It might have even cost him the win.

Except that the memo didn't say anything like that, and the comments in question actually came from the Clinton campaign.

This is what we're up against.

2008-02-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

Get out and vote tomorrow.

2008-01-24T09:48:00.001-08:00

In a move that is sure to assuage the fears of institutional investors and venture capitalists worldwide, King Kong Bushy, fresh off demanding a five count from a surgified Iraq, has agreed with Congress on an economic stimulus package. The plan, designed to forestall the utter collapse of civilization that is hurtling toward us like a fat man on banana peel skis, should put a whopping $600 into the pockets of every taxpaying American.

Because I work with alarming alacrity, I have engaged a team of pollsters and tasked them with testing the financial prostates of Joe Public and his wife, Suzie Herpes.

America, What Do You Plan on Doing with Your Economic Stimuslix?

11%: Donating It to Mike Huckabee for President

33%: Buying Investment Property

6%: Adding a NOX Injector to My 2008 Prius

14%: Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery

20%: Hiring a Videographer to Produce a High Quality Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Submission Tape

43%: Buying a 56" Flatscreen 1080p Plasma TV at Best Buy -- 2 Years, No Interest

21%: Purchasing Small Caliber Rifle to Fight Off Foreclosure Agents

87%: Building Border Fence

2008-01-08T10:49:00.000-08:00

We've got another one today, everybody. I'll keep it short: If you're in New Hampshire and registered, get out there and vote for Barack.

If you really want to read something, why not check out this post from way back in February 2007 in which I speculated about what might happen with Obama and McCain's pledges to use only public financing in the general, should their opponent do the same. I think it's interesting to think about again, now that we're closer to the rubber hitting the road.

2008-01-03T08:27:00.000-08:00

So today's the day, finally. The first of a few days, really. But it's a big 'un, for sure. I'm not going to get into all of this again, for fear I'll have to track down and beat up more brigands, so let it suffice to say that if you're reading this from Iowa, go caucus for Obama.

2007-11-06T09:16:00.001-08:00

The Labor Movement in Early 21st Century America: A Romance

"This isn't something just anybody can do, or would want to." Marc Glosberg is lean, drawn. As he walks the line, he barely lifts his feet off the ground. He hasn't shaved. His red-rimmed eyes are tired and serious. Like Marc, they tell stories.

"On Gossip Girl, sometimes we'll work six, even seven days a week. When we're up against it with rewrites, sometimes late into the night." Marc's eyes lose focus.' "Sometimes I wonder what I'm giving up by doing this work."

"Después de trabajar hasta que es demasiado oscuro, camino de nuevo a ciudad. Toma dos horas." Emilio Ramirez has weathered skin. It is dark from the sun, and the lines down his cheeks are deep. The skin on his palms looks thick and tough. He hasn't shaved. His red-rimmed eyes are tired and serious. Like Emilio, they pick flowers every day during the spring, perform odd jobs when they can, and sometimes find work with a cousin who has a truck and does landscaping.

"En México, trabajé todo el dia y todavía no podría alimentar a mi familia. Aquí, debo trabajar muy difícilmente, pero mi familia puede tener un futuro."

"This is about fairness. When people watch Gossip Girl on the internet, I deserve to be paid. When they watch it on DVD, I want my cut." The sun is higher in the sky now, and Marc puts down his sign. He pulls off a burgundy Harvard University sweatshirt and puts on an off white Longboard Ale ball cap. "I worked hard on that show, and if the studio is making money on it, then I should be."

"Cuando escojo las flores, tengo gusto de pensar de ser joven. Escoger las flores y las daba a mi esposa. Recordando que marcas el movimiento del tiempo menos lentamente." The sun is higher in the sky now, and Emilio removes his sweat-stained cowboy hat. He wipes his brow with some cloth torn from an old Hard Rock Cafe tee shirt. "Tener trabajo es bueno. Pero deseo que podía ver a un doctor, porque tengo dolor en mi pecho."

2007-07-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

2007-07-07T17:57:00.000-07:00

2007-06-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

2007-06-08T09:59:00.001-07:00

Ben Silverman, the man tasked with unspilling NBC's ratings milk, says he will "do anything" to get Rosie O'Donnell on the network's air.

2007-06-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

This is where I was for a while and I feel much better now.

2007-05-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I was on The McLaughlin Group. Well, not actually on it. In the dream, I had just had lunch with John McLaughlin and the rest of the group. We had either just recorded the show or were about to record the show, and it was raining. We were waiting for a cab and were having difficulty getting one. Arianna Huffington was there, which was odd because she's not on the show, and she had a car and driver. She called him and when he arrived (in a Rolls, I believe) she and John jammed in the front seat. Tony Blankley and I told them we'd just grab a cab. Again, odd because the backseat was empty.

2007-05-16T09:03:00.000-07:00

Once again, Barack Obama is leading by example. He's absolutely right: I'm sure releasing your tax returns is a thoroughly uncomfortable thing to have to do, but it's about transparency. Americans say they want it, our elected officials claim to fight for it, but how many of them really have the courage of their convictions when the rubber hits the road? Of the big six, exactly one.

2007-05-14T09:02:00.000-07:00

So the big news today seems to be that a private equity firm (whatever that is) called Cerberus Capital bought Chrysler for $7.4 billion.

Maybe it's just my perception, but don't the various evil-doings of faceless corporate entities sufficiently project a demonic image? Isn't naming said entities after the hound of Hades just ostentacious?

2007-05-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse....

Poston, RIP.

2007-04-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

According to the mighty CNN, ethicists in Texas (um, what?) are arguing over whether to remove a baby suffering from a degenerative nerve disorder from life support or not. Central to the question is whether he is in pain. The hospital wants to pull the plug. The baby's mother, who is apparently a fucking idiot, disagrees. She said that she wants to keep her son on the ventilator and feeding tube and allow him to die "naturally, the way God intended."

I'm not one to argue about what's natural and what isn't. I mean, I'm sure there are some who'd argue that a Cleveland Steamer isn't natural, but to me that's as natural as organic alfalfa. But if we're going to call a ventilator is natural, doesn't that mean that death itself is unnatural? I'm no doctor, but can't we pretty much keep any lump of meat "alive" these days with a ventilator and feeding tube?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, lady, but if there is a God, he's clearly chosen American Idol or the Stanley Cup playoffs over your son.

2007-04-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

This isn't going to help John Edwards with that whole he's just a haircut thing, is it?

2007-04-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

So far today I've encountered a few really amazing headlines regarding the Virginia Tech shooting. The first was, Va. Tech Killer Suicidal. FBI profilers were able to reach that stunning conclusion after discovering him with his gun in his mouth and his face blown off. Then there was, Va. Tech Gunman Had Mental Problems. That story was cracked by the same Woodward who brought us the news that the space shuttle Challenger had mechanical problems.

Hooray, news.

2007-04-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Reading through The Huffington Post today I found the positioning of the below kind of funny. Not sure if it was intentional or serendipity.

Imus' ridiculous visage aside, I'm not entirely sure why anyone cares about his comments. I mean, sure, it was racist, but it's Imus we're talking about, not Bob Schieffer. Nobody listens to this old coot, and I don't know if they ever did. He's a retarded man's Larry King, who himself is a slow man's Matt Lauer.

2007-04-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

The Obama campaign released its Q1 fundraising numbers today, and they're astonishing. He raised "at least $25M", and about $23M of that is OK for use in the primary. The Clinton camp will not reveal how much of her $26M is for the general election, but it's generally believed to be a significant percentage. Also staggering is the amount of money Obama raised online ($7M,) the number of donors (over 100K), and his low average donation/donor compared to Hillary's.

If you like Obama, this is a huge day. It's long been assumed that Clinton's biggest strength is her ability to fundraise ungodly amounts of money, and that she'd chip bully her opponents out of the race as quickly as possible. The fact that a two-year Senator who started the race with a donor base of about 90K, mostly in Illinois, can raise more money than the wife of an extremely popular two term President is simply stunning.

UPDATE: ABC is saying it's Obama $23.5M for the primaries, Clinton $20M. That's a win, people.

2007-04-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

I think we can all agree that America needs me now more than ever. But it's difficult to keep up. I have a very busy schedule. Let me tell you about it.

This weekend I hosted one of the Obama "House Parties." The name was appropriate -- it was very similar to the Kid n' Play film of the same name, except that the average age of attendees was twice, perhaps thrice that of those you see in the movie. And before you weakly whine out, Why wasn't I invited?, know this: You will never pass the threshold of my house, you bucket of unctiousness.

Anyway, at the house party we watched a DVD provided by the campaign and then watched a Q&A webcast from Iowa. We did so on my new large television, which is fifty inches and fueled by that oft-forgotten fourth state of matter -- plasma. I think the attendees were impressed by the television, at least until I hooked up the computer to it and used it to show the webcast, the dimensions of which were roughly 10% of the total size of the TV.

Of course, this TV is not intended for viewing webcasts. I bought a Playstation 3 with it, and let me tell you, the combination of the two is really quite delightful. Nothing can flood your soul with a feeling of patriotic accomplishment like successfully re-enacting a series of great battles from WWII on a 50 inch HDTV. Hell, I'd endeavor to say that there's no greater testament to the greatness of America as a nation than the experience of playing Call of Duty on a 50 inch HDTV.

So consider this: We've spent close to a half trillion dollars in Iraq. My really great TV and PS3 cost about $2600. Let's say that, if we include shipping and a copy of Call of Duty, we're at $3000. At that price, we could send one of these really awesome packages to every person in Iraq and Afghanistan and Iran, and we'd still have about 40 million left over.

What should we do with the leftovers? you empty-headedly ask. I say we raffle them off. Raffle eligibility? Being American, motherfucker.

2007-03-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

I know this isn't politics, but this story mentions that LeBron James' house, currently under construction in the suburbs of Cleveland, will contain a casino.

So how does that work, exactly? I'm not an expert, but it seems to me that gambling kind of loses its excitement when it's impossible to lose any money.

Do here's a bet: $20 says that, after the casino is finished, James will have more fun seeing how much money is left after throwing handfuls of cash into the toilet and flushing it.

2007-03-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

The Huffington Post sent me over to an WSJ piece on some of the Democratic stalwarts from Silicon Valley defecting from the Clinton camp to Obama. The article mentions the conspicuous silence of Apple CEO Steve Jobs -- a close friend of Al Gore's who supported Bill Clinton. Another blog post, the link to which I can't find, speculates that Jobs' silence on the wildly popular Clinton / 1984 Apple ad mashup speaks more loudly than anything else. Apple is traditionally very protective of its copyright and IP. Could the company's failure to issue a C&D amount to a tacit endorsement of Obama by Jobs?

And if Steve Jobs stands with you, who dares stand against you?

UPDATED: Here is the post to which I referred. It was on The Corsair.

2007-03-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

So the big news this morning is that John Edwards will continue his campaign, despite that his wife's cancer has returned. The response at Kos was "He's not dropping out or suspending. Good."

How, I wonder, is this "good?" I mean, I can understand that Edwards supporters are glad their man is sticking with it, but isn't that a very knee-jerk, selfish reaction? Objectively, this has to weaken his candidacy. Even the most focused, single-minded candidates can get lost over the course of a campaign. And many of the strongest, most positive and loving families can be torn apart over a disease like this. And I'm just talking about Edwards the viable candidate, not Edwards the President.

Further, and I have no doubt I'll get hammered by any number of Edwardsians out there, I think this raises serious questions about his judgment. Edwards is a young man, relatively speaking. There would be no shame in pulling out of this campaign. In fact, it's arguable he could be more influential on the dialogue were he to pull out now than he would be as a candidate. But most importantly, he could drop out, focus on his wife and family, and return to run in 4, 8, or 12 years. Hell, in 16 years he'd still be younger than McCain is now.