There are a lot of really preposterous kinds of writing out there. Obviously poetry is the big one, but "missed connections" personal ads, porn reviews, and sports journalism are also really ridiculous. There are others, as well. Erotica, Conde Nast-style travel writing, fantasy writing, and blogging. Hell, I suppose that the roster of risible writing is limited only by our imaginations. And though I'd overlooked it before today, this piece proves beyond doubt that automotive reviews deserve a seat at that laughable table. It is a review of the 2006 Corvette Z06, and in the interest of letting the work stand on its own, I've excerpted sections from the article below.


The latest high performance 'Vette cranks it all the way up to... Yikes!

...

Fear.

The Corvette Z06's 7-liter 505-horsepower engine sounds like a lot of small things exploding. Find a short highway on-ramp, stomp on the gas, and the explosions start coming faster and faster, turning into a roar.

...

You stay in first gear -- the Z06 handles zero-to-sixty in as little as 3.7 seconds in this gear alone -- and the sound gets louder until there's an Alaskan brown bear riding shotgun and, man, he is really ticked.

...

Acceleration is catapult-quick.

...

The Z06 always feels a bit like Bill Bixby on the way to turning into the Incredible Hulk with buttons popping and sleeves tearing apart from the cuffs.

...

The car feels like it can't quite handle what it's got and it needs your help, please, to hold it back a little. It's largely an illusion of course. The Z06 takes care of itself just fine.

All in all, it feels very much alive and wide awake. And it's not happy.


The Z06, above, is like a thousand forced metaphors jammed into a small space with a reader dreaming of death's sweet release.

Analogcabin @ 3:32 PM
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