I realize I haven't posted in a while, and I know it must be very difficult for you.

You wake up disappointed that you're the same idiot you were yesterday, but your disappointment turns to hope and excitement as you jump out of your empty, crusty single bed and not run so much as shuffle quickly to your computer. Another day, another million laughs, courtesy of The Spoonbender, you think.

The browser still contains all of the really upsetting images of women "tending" to livestock that you left there the previous night after collapsing into a heap of hollow satisfaction and deep, deep shame. You click on the Home button as your stomach tingles, your hands shake, and your knees recoil in anticipation of the slaps to come. The Spoonbender loads and you sigh when you recognize the car writing post that's been at the page's top for these many days. You've read it many times, but you read it again, anyway. And you laugh again. And your genitals become engorged at the idea of the man behind all this brilliance.

I apologize, but not much. Until tomorrow, pretend to be astonished at this.


WNBA superstar Sheryl Swoopes, above, doesn't just pound the parquet, she munches the carpet.

Analogcabin @ 2:34 PM
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