If you're like me, then sometimes you just know you're right. You don't need to be told, and you don't need to carefully consider both sides of the issue. You're just fucking right. For me those sometimes are all the time, and today is one of those times.

I didn't need to read all of Erik Lundegaard's MSNBC.com article to know the whole premise of the thing was wrong. What's the premise?, you ask, lazy, reading-averse fuck that you are. The premise is that Some Women Just Get Sexier with Age, and I'm here to say that just not fucking true. And I'll do more than just say it's not true, I'll prove it's not true. How?, you wonder, uncreative ape that you are. Here's how: By selecting a few names off of the personal masturbation inventory he compiled (and apparently sold, believe it or not) and using the accompanying pictures provided as proof of his assertions against him. And then by finding him and karate-chopping him in the teeth.

Sigourney Weaver


Baseball gloves are better when they're worn in. But looking like a worn-in baseball glove doesn't make you sexy, and nothing proves it better than the above picture.

I'll admit that Weaver isn't really my type, but if stringy and iron-jawed is yours, consider the below image of Alien vintage Sigourney, and tell me which you'd prefer.



Annabella Sciorra


I've always said that Annabella Sciorra is my Meg Ryan, so it pains me to say it, but she's not carrying all those vowels as well as she used to. Sure, seeing her in lingerie in The Sopranos was a delight, as Lundegaard points out. But the problem is that looking at her in it, you believed she'd sleep with Tony. She was a little tired, a little skanky. Sciorra in her prime was a radient pixie, as the below image of her getting some personality plus, high-energy, multi-colored loving illustrates.



Angelina Jolie


Now don't get me wrong -- even today Angie deserves nothing quite so much as a The Spoonbender-branded longdicking. But to say that she's sexier now than she was in Hackers is to show a real disdain for the truth. The bottom line is that, while I think she's holding it together pretty well, all those years of polluting her body with the likes of Thornton (God bless his toothy soul) are catching up to her. Not to mention that these days you'd have to deal with a lot of totally gross refugee kids running around the house, all flies in their eyes and AIDSy. Imagine the kind of crazy she was back when she married Jonny Lee Miller (you magnificent bastard). Can't? I'll tell you what kind of crazy: the good kind.

Analogcabin @ 3:44 PM
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