There are some who would say that there is no place for ironic detachment and cynical humor on a day like today, when innocents have died and a nation of fellow whiteys has been shaken to its core. I have a one-word response to that argument: resolvance.

While watching the G8 press conference with my significant other (known on my regular website as "C-Baby"), she directed my attention to our own president, standing behind the right honorable Mr. Blair. "Look at him," she said. "Doesn't he look like he's trying to look really serious, like a kid at a Christmas concert? It's like watching America's Funniest Home Videos--you know he's about to make a funny face or something."

It was true. However, my theory was that he was thinking, "Can I get in the plane yet? How 'bout now? Which way is the bunker?" (And no, I don't think I would look much better under the circumstances, but then I'm not the leader of the free world. Yet.)

He did have some thoughts on the subject, of course: "The contrast couldn't be clearer between the intentions and the hearts of those of us who care deeply about human rights and human liberty, and those who kill, those who've got such evil in their hearts that they will take the lives of innocent folks." Because, you know, Bush would never order any action that took the lives of innocent folks. But that's neither here nor there.

Additionally, our local affiliate mentioned that the new Pope had condemned the attacks. Which was a relief, since, you know, he's new, and for all we knew he might have said, "I strongly support these terrorists! Go Al Qaeda! Death to the Infidels! [Ululates loudly.]"

Anyway, I thought I'd check in with the usual America-hating (or in this case, United Kingdom-hating) liberals to hear all the calls for therapy and understanding for the attackers that Karl Rove was talking about recently. Here are some of the great quotes I found:

"If these misunderstood souls had access to universal health care, this would not have been necessary! Free Mumia!"
-Starchild Q. Guevara, Berkeley

"A visit to a certified Reiki practitioner could have averted this disaster. All of you who eat cooked food have blood on your hands today!"
-Azrael McHairypits, Marin County

"This is a direct result of the legacy of patriarchal male hegemonic colonialism. U.S. out of my uterus!"
-Allen Ginsberg X, Jr., Greenwich Village

"My heart goes out to them blowd-up fancy-talkin' sissy-boys. Just goes to show that Homeland Security money they done used for the bomb-sniffin' dogs at the grain elevator was well-spent."
-Zebediah Z. Greenjeans, Topeka

Let it never be said that we here at The Spoonbender--you thought I was going to say WULAD, didn't you?--don't have our fingers on the pulse of America.



If we were heartless and insensitive, this photo might have a caption like, "This is no time for craft projects!"

Ian @ 8:59 AM
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