Monday, November 29, 2004

This article examines the popularity of the newly-released book "He's Just Not Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" by former Sex in the City writer Liz Tuccillo and unsuccessful stand-up comedian Greg Behrendt.

I know what you're thinking: The no-holds barred dishiness of Sex in the City combined with the fully-automatic laughmunition of stand up comedy, distilled into something you can read while riding the subway or getting assfucked, which is less than 200 pages, and which doesn't reference economic theory at all? Where do I sign up?

Right here, toots. [SFX: Unzip. Meaty flop.]

As I understand it, this book has made quite a splash among the young, not-so-young, urban, single, desperate, delusional, and single female. In other words, prey. But seriously, folks, the book has been embraced by its target audience for delivering on its title's promise with honesty, frankness, and poke you in the vulva humor. Apparently women, who science has long assumed were simply emotionally volatile and intellectually inferior, were actually just preoccupied with finding excuses why this man or that doesn't want to marry them. They've been searching for answers to the puzzling puzzle that is the modern man, and they find the book's simple explanation, that "He's Just Not Into You," freeing.

Well I've got news for you, honey. There's a second course to that meal, and it's not going to go down as easy as you do. The truth is that, no, we're not into you, but not just you. We're just not into any girls with really bad acne. Or girls with herpes, not matter how innocently they caught it. And we're just not into fat girls, or girls with big ugly noses. We're just not into small boobs, or weird veiny ones. And we're just not into girls that annoy the shit out of us because they talk constantly.

But if the book means you'll stop calling, knock yourself out.

Analogcabin @ 4:23 PM
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