Thanks to demi-genius Rob Diener, I now have access to more detailed information on who reads this site than previously available to me. Rather than sell this invaluable information to marketers interested in better targeting the "Bored, Simple, Easily Amused" demographic, I thought I'd share it and take the opportunity to address some of my visitors publicly.

Welcome, friends coming to me from the European Parliament in Luxembourg! I couldn't be more pleased to have an audience with you, though I should say that when next you do a Google search for lesbian stuff, remember that "sapphic" is not spelled with two F's.

And to the lawyers at Upton, Sanders, & Smith in Concord, New Hampshire and Morgan, Lewis, & Bockius in New York, hello! I can't help but notice you've been particularly interested in my post about gun-toting crusader for free speech Blake Douglass. Though my unkind intimations might conceal my admiration, know that I fully support his right to bear arms in his senior portrait, despite his public complaints that he's already "feeling alienated" at his school. It's like I always say: There's no better way to get in with the in crowd than to allow your parents to bring your already quirky hobbies to the attention of the worldwide press. Of course, I also support the bearing of genitals and full penetration shots in senior portraits, so perhaps I'm not the person you'd like standing at your side on the steps of the Supreme Court.

To Mr. Ashcroft and the rest of my friends at the US Department of Justice, let me say thank you for your tireless work on behalf of myself and all Americans. Without it, I might actually know where my admittedly dusky friend Amir has been for the last three years.

To the many students and teachers who have visited from some of the world's finest institutions of higher learning, including NYU, the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Chicago, and Macomb Community College, isn't there something to, like, learn?

To the various agents visiting from the William Morris Agency in California, no, I do not have representation currently and would be more than happy to consider your offer, provided it is accompanied by the appropriate amount of wooing.

And to you, visitor from the Landmark Graphics Corporation in Houston, I know what you're up to. Landmark Graphics, "A Halliburton Company," is a front if I've ever seen one. And if I've explained the whole military-industrial Masonic Illuminati thing once, I've explained it a million times, so I'm not going to get into it again here. Suffice it to say, buddy, that one of these days your house of cards will crumble. When that happens, you look up from the rubble, Mr. Cheney... I mean "mystery visitor," and you'll see me standing there, delightfully nude and greased slick with scented oils and mentholated unguents, staring back at you. And I'll be laughing the laugh of the righteous and nude and mentholated.


The image above appears on the homepage of Illuminati front company Landmark Graphics, and clearly shows a diabolical Arian mastermind inacting horrible plans with the help of his seductive and deadly sidekick, The Dragon Lady.

Analogcabin @ 9:28 AM
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