In other pedophile news, a man named Steve Christian, mayor of the tiny Pacific island of Pitcairn, is about to stand trail for keeping the island's women as "a personal harem." In legal terms, that breaks down to six charges of rape and four of indecent assault, apparently.
I know what you're thinking. Come on, you lazy shit. How many times have we heard about the mayor of this burg or that treating himself to some rape goodies?
Well, first, let me say that I find the term "rape goodies" absolutely objectionable, and I think it's disgusting you'd even think it. Second, this is no ordinary mayor and these aren't your usual rape goodies.
The Pitcairns are tiny volcanic islands in the Pacific somewhere between New Zealand and Peru. They're currently inhabited a total of 47 people -- supposedly the descendants of mutineers from HMS Bounty. Now it doesn't take a mathematician figure out that, if that whole HMS Bounty thing went down in the 18th century and the present day inhabitants are descendants of those folks, the Pitcairn family tree's probably pretty straight. But that's neither here nor there. It just adds some skeevy incestuous sauce to the tale.
The rapes allegedly ended in 1975 and began in 1964, when 53-year-old Christian was 13. Now I'm not saying that you can't do awful things when you're 13, but abuse a personal harem? I'm no lawyer, but it sounds to me like Christian better bust out the old "don't hate the playa, hate the game" defense. But again, that's neither here nor there.
The really funny thing about all this is that if Christian and the two other Pitcairnies with whom he's standing trial are convicted, there won't be enough men to operate the long boats necessary to keep the islands supplied. So either lose operation of your long boats or shut up and deal with the mayor's long boat.
Two words, ladies of Pitcairn: Craig's List. I can think of at least two people that might jump at the chance to lord over a tiny island and require nothing more than a little hand release every now and then.
Analogcabin @ 1:49 PM -------------------------
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