There was a time in Beaumont, Texas when gettin' to the five and dime meant taking a left onto Jap Road, going past Tarbaby Roofing and Wetback Plumbing on the right and Shylock Savings and Loan on the left. But those days, the good old days, ended yesterday when local officials voted to change the name of Jap Road.

The 100-year-old road is said to have been named in tribute to Yoshio Mayumi who introduced rice farming to the region. In recent years, however, area Japs have waged a kamakaze battle to change the name. Eventually they formed an axis with the Anti Defamation League and filed suit.

"The name Jap Road was in tribute to that wiley yellow celestial Mayumi," said resident Lawton Gibbons. "The lawsuit against our town was a real Pearl Harbor job."

Jap Road resident Jason Marshburn, 31, agreed, and offered a woefully flawed comparison to illustrate his point.

"It feels like we're in the middle of a George Orwell novel. It's like me suing Keebler or Nabisco because the word 'cracker' is offensive to us white people," he said.

"Just goes to show: Never trust a fucking Jap," he concluded.

Analogcabin @ 5:55 AM
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