To be honest, yesterday was a little slow. I think I felt let down by reality after a long weekend away from it, and so it was with eagerness that I logged into There. It's not so much escape that attracted me as the hope that 5:15 would come a little quicker than evidence gathered up to 2 indicated it would.

I'm not totally sure how I got on the There list, but last week I received an email inviting me to participate in its public Beta test. Well, if there's one thing you can count on me for, it's downloading any unfamiliar software suggested in an email sent by someone I don't know. Especially when I'm at work. So I clicked on the link and, after a short registration followed by a long download and installation, was informed that I was equipped with whatever Boolean operators and javascripts they use to make this fancy internet thing go whiz. Equipped technically, at least. It would take me the weekend to be prepared mentally. And so it was that I finally logged on yesterday.

Let me pause here to say that I think the name There is a fine example of why the internet failed. America and the American economy thrived when upstart companies were named things like American Telephone and Telegraph, Standard Oil, General Electric, National Plunger Corp., Trans-Buffalo Rubber Shoe Supply, and Ohio Valley Rope and Gallows, Limited. You knew exactly what they provided or produced. It was dignified and honorable, and there was no need for snazz, irony, or cool ambiguity. The internet, on the other hand, is filled with company names that provide absolutely no indication of what they purport to do. Want books? Go to Amazon. Auction? EBay. Airline tickets? Priceline. It's no wonder most of them were crushed under the weight of their own advertising budgets -- it required hundreds of millions to convince the public that Monster is where to go to get a job. If those fuckers had some smarts and listened to me, they'd be named Internet General Books and Sundries, Transglobal Online Auctions, Airline Ticket Clearinghouse, and Transnational Employment and Placement.

But no one listens to me, and so There is not called Virtual Mall Corporation of America.

If someone actually read this blog, here's where they'd be saying, "But certainly you've oversimplified the V.M.C.A. or 'There,' for it is an expansive 3D world in which you can communicate with other players, play games, and join clubs in addition to using real money to shop for products and services... it's a Metaverse!" To that, I say, what the fuck is a metaverse?

There's no doubt There is an interesting idea. It combines the familiarity of the tasks in The Sims with the community and economy of Everquest. What you wind up with is a bunch of 3D avatars running around a world that's equal parts Temptation Island, Endor, and Swiss Family Robinson. Except there are billboards everywhere advertising haircuts, sweatshirts, and hoverboards. Walk up to a billboard, read it, try on or try out the advertised item for a minute or so, and, if you so choose, purchase it. You get 10,000 Therebucks (clever) for signing up. Unfortunately, the There economy suffers from gross inflation, and the Therebucks exchange rate is 1,787 to US$1. So in case you didn't feel ass-reamed enough by spending $50 on a sweatshirt at J. Crew in the real world, now you can spend $799 Therebucks on a sweatshirt for your avatar in There.

Despite all this, I'd like to see There do well. I'm especially eager to see the rise of gambling and prostitution in There. I have no doubt both will pop up soon, especially in the absense of anything more compelling to do than Hoverboard races.

Analogcabin @ 7:59 AM
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