By now a lot of you must be wondering what it is that's been keeping me from you. Could it be illness?, you worry, Perhaps AIDS or some kind of mitochondrial infection? I can hear low conversations in negro-oriented beauty salons and gay bar rooms across our great and diverse nation, and not hear them merely figuratively but actually. Maybe it's some kind of personal problem. Like that he has too many bitches all up in his shit, and that his weintraub hurts. Family meetings are being held. The elderly are consulting parish priests. Lonely men are seeking solace in the arms of whores, who themselves are seeking solace in the arms of lonely men. And crack. Maybe it's us. Maybe we've let him down somehow. I could have commented better.

While there is some truth in all of those things, the real reason I've been mostly absent lately is much more exciting. A vengeful Patton Oswalt paid me a personal visit recently. We sat together and laughed together. We held each other close. And we made love. The kind of love only a very brilliant blogger with closely-shorn testicles and a dwarfish stand-up lecturer can make – hot and honeyed, leaving everything in a 12-foot radius coated in a substance very much like chalk and syrup.

I jest. The real truth is that I've been furiously working on the next generation of The Spoonbender.

I'll pause while you blast your load.

That's right. The next generation of The Spoonbender. Now I fully realize that your miserable curd-filled brainpans can't possibly imagine what could be better than the current generation of The Spoonbender, so let me give it away.

Wait for it.

A podcast.

In keeping with my 8 months behind the cutting edge philosophy, I've decided to up the fucking ante and give you a once weekly feast of aural roxotica that will blow your mind and cause the bristling of pelage on your secondary sex characteristics. I don't want to give away too much about it for fear that some idiot like Ricky Gervais will co-opt the format, but I can say that's it's being created in collaboration with the great albeit less well loved than I man behind The American Mastodon. Did you say Lennon and McCartney? Sambora and Bon Jovi? Loggins and Messina? The Captain and Tennille? Yeah. Like that.

The podcast will be available here and through iTunes. Or if you're an adept in the internetteral arts, I understand that you can direct some kind of harvesting mechanism toward the RSS feed in the upper right of this page. After that, all you need do is sit back, close your eyes, and hang on tight. This rocketship is about to launch. Destination? Planet Awesome.

Analogcabin @ 8:24 AM
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