Wednesday, September 07, 2005

When I heard the news that President Bush will ask Congress for more than $50 billion on top of the over $10 billion already requested for Katrina related costs, I thought to myself, Thank god the nation's money trees weren't damaged in the storm!

While I'm sure we all agree that it's money well spent (until, that is, it's actually spent on, say, levees in Iraq,) one has to wonder where El Presidente Vacacione plans to come up with it. In that spirit, I give you The's Bush-Friendly National Income Ideas.

The Wage-Vest System: It allows minimum wage earners to invest a larger percentage of their income in Iraq's and our future, thereby increasing their sense of ownership in our country, and in Iraq (Note: The phrase "sense of ownership" does not imply actual ownership.)

Exploit America's Black Gold: For centuries America was forced to import a critically important resource -- black people. As evidenced in the Katrina coverage, today our stockpiles are bursting. It's time to turn our black gold into a gold mine by reinstating slavery and exporting our surplus blacks.

The New New Orleans: Like it or not, New Orleans is gone. Why not embrace what it's become? We can install some slides, inflate some tubes, and charge admission to America's biggest, wettest, and wildest water park.

Invade China: All you hear about these days is how wealthy China has become. Well, I don't have to tell you that those fuckers are also enemies of freedom and in posession of WMD's. Let's invade now while we're over there and save the overseas airfares.

Extra Credit: Perhaps the easiest and most sensible way to come up with the dough is to get some more credit. Being leveraged to the hilt is something most Americans understand and are comfortable with. And it's not like the Jews who run all that banking stuff don't owe us big time for pulling them out of Hitler's ovens. I mean, seriously, Schlomo, we're good for it. We didn't ask you for a credit report when you were all whiney and starving and medium-well.

Analogcabin @ 2:27 PM
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