If people in Africa had the internet, computers, or electricity and if they could read, I suspect they might accuse me of unfairly dismissing their continent as a vast wasteland -- a place where the common language is despair, at least after that one with all the pops and clicks, and the people are less interested in learning to fish, as they say, than in savagely raping a fish over some ridiculous tribal grudge.

Now I know what you're going to say: That's a lot of ifs, Hallowed Author of The Spoonbender. If the airing of their grievance is dependent upon those hapless savages stopping all their AIDS-getting and figuring out how to log on to AOL, I wouldn't start drafting the apologia just yet. While I acknowledge that you might be right about the timing of things, I endeavor to present an objective view of all of the continents here. That is to say that, while the dark continent's manchildren cannot speak for themselves, I will stoop to their level and speak for them.

And so it is for that reason that I bring this to your attention. It's news that Swaziland's King Mswati III married over the weekend. The bride was Nothando Dube, the 18-year-old winner of the Miss Teen Swaziland competition. The two met after last year's Reed Dance -- an annual celebration during which "thousands of maidens dance bare breasted in honor of the Queen Mother." Dube is the King's 12th wife. He married his 11th, Nolichwa Ntenesa, two weeks ago.

So, sure, there are some problems in Africa. But anyplace where "thousands of maidens dance bare breasted in honor of the Queen Mother" can't be all bad. I mean, what does that say about the Queen Mother? That's she's big pimpin', for one thing.


Don't hate the playa -- King Mswati III, above -- hate the game.

Analogcabin @ 11:25 AM
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