I remember the last time I enjoyed a trip out to the movies: It was 1992, and I, drunk and pantsless, mistakenly wandered into a Florentine middle school orchestra's performance of Rondo alla Turk thinking it was that Italian anale porn I'd heard so much about. No matter how many times I've tried to recapture that thrill, going to the movies just isn't the same today.

So if you're like me, you're not surprised at all by the results of this poll. It found that 73% of Americans prefer watching movies at home to seeing them in the theater. The primary reason home-viewers gave for their preference was convenience.

What I did find to be enlightening are the reasons for their preference given by the 22% of people who still enjoy going to the theater:

- 10% say that the sound of infants crying is the perfect accompaniment to Ja Rule's performance in Half Past Dead.

- 7% enjoy the opportunity to masturbate in proximity to strangers.

- 4% are happy to know that the $6 surcharge on a small popcorn is going to defend copyright holders like Michael Bay.

- 9% think a heated structure with plumbing is a far more comfortable environment than the refrigerator box in which they live.

- 12% appreciate the easy-to-hear commentary on plot and character provided by the 245-pound black woman in the third row.

Analogcabin @ 8:58 AM
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