Despite what you might suspect, our President cares what you think. For that reason he will address the nation tonight in what's generally considered an effort to battle his flagging approval ratings and to address the concerns growing on both sides of the isle that his middle east policies are, like, dumb. According to the White House, Bush will accomplish this by mumbly extolling his "clear strategy for success" in Iraq.

As a reader of The Spoonbender, you're in luck, and not just for the usual reasons. Because I have highly placed sources within the White House [Secretary of Transportation Norm Mineta,] I was able to obtain the below list. It contains the Top Ten Things About His Iraq Policy President Bush Won't Be Saying Tonight on TV. And before you mention it, I too though it odd that these "Not Talking Points" were crafted in the Lettermanian manner, but, it's not the only thing about how this administration works that confuses me, so I overlooked it.

Top Ten Things Bush Won't Extoll About Our Iraq Policy Tonight on TV

10: As a result of this Oprah thing, the tide of public opinion is turning against the French.
9: Our enemies have grossly underestimated our willingness to scuttle a superpower in order to avoid admitting mistakes.
8: If you need proof that Bush can turn a situation around, look no further than the strongest team in major league baseball today -- the Texas Rangers.
7: The coalition has yet to unleash Poland's infamous Kielbasa Bridgade.
6: God prefers whites.
5: We're secretly training sharks off the coast of Florida, and early indications are that they'll give us a leg up on the insurgents.
4: The Supreme Court is poised to rule insurgencies, like every other god damn thing in the world, are illegal.
3: The President is presently freeing many thetans and will soon attain OT-VII, after which point he will be able to fly and to hold his breath for up to five minutes.
2: Our new Middle East force commander is Chef Gordon Ramsey, and he doesn't settle for anything short of perfection.
1: We cannot lose a war of attrition because our supply of Mexicans is limitless.

Analogcabin @ 3:10 PM
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