Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The West Wing has done it again. No, I don't mean disappoint viewers with a surplus of lame replacement characters played by actors vaguely recognizable from two to three failed sitcoms per or by the dearth of ruminations on the unfortunate use of military force as an alternative to peace, love, and understanding delivered in a rapid fire, denture-whistling New England staccato and coupled with Kennedyesque gazes out over the fake rose garden. By "done it again" I mean that their "do we or don't we send the secret military space bomber to save the stranded astronauts" storyline was prescient of some real world brouhaha.

The President, Mr. Mission To Mars himself, is poised to approve a national security directive that will allow the Air Force to deploy space weapons. Apparently Bush was unhappy to have been overshadowed this week by another notably maniacal believer in unseen forces that direct the happenings of the universe -- Darth Vader.

Aside from the questions about the cost versus the effectiveness of a tie fighter in the war against our dust-colored brothers and their TNT-packed parkas, there's sure to be some more philosophical debate over whether or not space should be weaponized by us or anyone else.

For its part, the Air Force think it's an issue of equal access. "The focus of the process is not putting weapons in space," said Maj. Karen Finn, an Air Force spokeswoman. "The focus is having free access in space."

I don't know about you, but I agree with Major Finn. And I'd like to take a page from her book to set straight some misconceptions about me and my intentions.

It's not about racism. It's about free access to the term "beaner."

It's not about the Counting Crows, it's about the universality of the sentiments in "A Long December."

It's not about smoking marijuana. It's about free access to that "totally fucking stoned" feeling.

It's not about misogyny. It's about my fucking dinner, you bitch that took my life away from me.

It's not about fucking your ass. It's about free access to your ass. It just so happens that at the moment the thing that needs that access is my wiener.

Analogcabin @ 12:13 PM
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