As you might imagine, I get a lot of fan mail. So much, in fact, that it's difficult for me to read it all. I skim a good deal of it, however, and roughly 75% of it falls into one of four categories:

1) Did you go to school for it, was it a magical potion, or were just you born with it?
2) Thank you for helping me, saving me, or teaching me.
3) I can only imagine how hot you must be, and I need to be with you intimately.
4) I'd like to proclaim my love for The Spoonbender to the world. How can I?

Another 20% falls into one of two categories:

A) I feel indebted to you, so take my eldest daughter, this mix CD, or these cupcakes I baked.
B) I love to hear your thoughts on American Idol. Will you be sharing them with us again soon?

As you can see, I've got good reason to skim. And though I rarely respond to the peasants that hope to touch that Face of God that is me via email, I can respond publicly to B above -- Yes, and today is the day.

You heard me right, America. Rejoice, for my annual discussion of the American Idol contestants is upon us.

Last year I chose my personal favorites first, and then, when the final twelve had been determined, I made predictions as to who would win. Now you all know I'm not the kind to toot his own horn, but I was dead on in predicting a Barrino victory. Granted, I was off in a couple of other spots, but not even I am perfect always. Anyway, I'll do it the same way this year -- favorites first, then predictions.

And so it is, without further buildup, that I give you my American Idol season four favorites, in order of ascending like.


Anwar Robinson
To be honest, there's nothing in particular about Anwar that I like. It's just that there's nothing I dislike. The bottom line is that this is one non-threatening brother. Everything about him feels like a male nanny, and I think that makes for a good American Idol. Anwar is the The Cosby Show vision of the American black realized, and I'm down.


Nadia Turner
On the upside, Nadia's got an afro. On the downside, she's got a pointy chin and big teeth. Only time will tell whether one will be enough to counteract the other.


Bo Bice
I know it's predictable for a straight white guy to like Bo Bice, and I know he's got no chance whatsoever of winning, but come on -- this guy is difficult to resist. When he gets on stage, you get the impression he'd give essentially the same performance in your garage while snaking wire for your new digital cable. You also get the impression that, if you threw him an extra $20, he'd give you free HBO and a hit off his joint.

Win or lose, I just hope he outlasts that chinless Maroulis character.


Mikalah Gordon
That she's my number one probably comes as no surprise to anyone that reads this site and watches Idol. At 17, Mikalah looks like she's had more work done than the 30-year-olds haunting the high roller rooms of her hometown, Las Vegas. And I'd be willing to bet that's not the only 30-year-old experience she's got, either, if you catch my meaning. What's that? You don't? I'm talking about sexual experience, my man. Look into those eyes and tell me she hasn't already been some dentist's mistress. Maybe she's only legal in 34 states, but those are the laws of man. Sometimes you have to answer to a higher law.

Speaking of which, the most surprising thing about Mikalah is revealed on the Idol website when they ask if she has a lucky charm. Her response? "My rosary." I know. I would guessed Jew, too, but it just goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover. Plus, everyone knows Catholic girls are crazy in the sack, so I think you'll agree that Mikalah deserves our votes.

Analogcabin @ 9:48 AM
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