According to this article, Keith Lazarchik made a "split second decision" to tackle "mall gunman" Robert Bonelli. For this he's been hailed as a hero and interviewed on Good Morning America.

Now as you all know, I'm an expert in many things -- chief among them is the artful science of lovemaking. I am not, however, an expert in heroism. But I'd venture to say that read the article and you don't have to be an expert to see that calling Lazarchik a hero is kind of a stretch.

It all started when Bonelli pulled out an assault rifle in Best Buy. Why? Perhaps he was frustrated with their selection of Josh Groban CD's, but we may never know. The mind of the criminal is a horrible mystery. After firing a "several shots" in the store, Bonelli exited into the mall and fired more shots. It was at this point that Dick's Sporting Goods employee Lazarchik began to follow Bonelli.

"I didn't approach him right away. I just followed him. I was creeping up behind him as he was walking down the mall shooting," described Lazarchik.

After firing more shots, Bonelli dropped the weapon to the ground and stopped walking. Bonelli then raised his hands above his head. It was at this point that Lazarchik made his "split second decision" and struck with his coworkers from the shadows like troupe of upstate ninjas.

"He was standing there with his hands in the air and we just grabbed him and sat on him until police came," said Phil Dudek, a co-worker of Lazarkchik's.

So it's great that Lazarchik and company were available to sit on Bonelli, but wouldn't a real hero have, like, tried to actually stop him from shooting? I'm sure that, all things being equal, the two people Bonelli hit have preferred he make that "split second decision."

Maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe I'm dismissing the frightening circumstances or the menace with which Bonelli dropped his weapon and reached for the sky. But I ask you this: Would a fireman that waited until the inferno burned itself out before he rushed into the ruins be considered a hero?


Kington Police, above, waited until the coast was clear before heroically driving the suspect to jail.

Analogcabin @ 8:36 AM
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