Wednesday, September 08, 2004

A shocking study released today reports that the problem of binge drinking among college students is even worse than we all feared.

The Prevention Research Center of the Berkeley-based, enigmatically-named Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation conducted the study in order to determine exactly how severe the college drinking problem is. Previous studies showed that many college students "binge," or have more than five drinks in a row. Those studies have not attempted to determine the exact number of drinks undergraduate students enjoy during a given bender, however -- a hole in the research that PeRCePIRE thought warranted closing.

So how much are our beloved young adults putting away? Many of the 1000 male respondents surveyed consume as many as 24 alcoholic beverages in an evening. True, it is shocking, but you simply cannot argue with a scientific study.

In addition to drinking a case or more of beer in an evening, the 1000 males also reported engaging in love-making sessions of more than 3.5 hours with as many as 215 women in a given year, oftentimes with 3 to 4 women at a time. These young men also tend to have penises of length greater than 10 inches and 6 inches in girth, weighing as much as 9 pounds.

Fortunately, the drinking, sex, and large genitals do not seem to have slowed our young men down: they report 40 yard dash times averaging 4.7 seconds.

Analogcabin @ 4:59 PM
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