Thursday, September 23, 2004
 

I'm sure you all saw this story and thought to yourselves, I know what it's going to say on The Spoonbender: it'll be all 'Punishment? Fuck that! These boys should be congratulated!' except it'll be as fucking hilarious and totally right on as that website always is. I fucking love The Spoonbender. If I could, I'd slather it all over my genitals and make love with it squeezing betwixt my dewy thighs.

Well, you're wrong, Mr. Ma'am. Dead wrong. And hold on to the edges of your seats, America, because I'm about to up the ante. Ready? Not only do I agree that punishment is appropriate, I say these boys weren't punished nearly enough.

Oh yes I did.

Sure, there's a certain skill set required draw up plans for the construction of a pole-dancing platform in your dorm room. And, yes, it take follow-through. You've got to go down to the Home Depot and purchase a steel pole and other supplies. You've got to bring them back into your dorm without causing too much of a ruckus. The construction is no joke, either, especially when it's all done in a tight space like a dorm. And, granted, these guys didn't just leave the stage unfinished. They covered it in red felt, which, I think, is a classy touch. Follow-through and attention to detail are two things you'd don't see a lot of in kids today. And so what if they didn't stop there? Making fliers to put up all over campus is no big feat, but I do have to admit that the $100 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret is pretty funny.

The reason I think these little shitheads should be punished as severely as is allowed by the laws of God and Man is simple. I give you the words of school spokesman John Daigle, Jr.:

There was no public nudity involved here.

No fucking nudity! After all that planning, building, legwork, promotion, and beer, these idiots couldn't get the girls naked. It's like the going through the whole Manhattan Project, getting the bomb into the Enola Gay, flying halfway around the world, and fucking missing Hiroshima. What a travesty! If history and Girls Gone Wild have taught us anything, it's that college girls want nothing more in life than to show their boobs in public. They just need an excuse... any excuse. When it comes down to it, all they need is a venue, permission, and a little Smirnoff Ice.

These boys need to learn a lesson from The A-Team. They were a crack commando unit because, when they were trapped in an old barn, surrounded, and facing insurmountable odds, they didn't just build a kick ass tank out of PVC pipe, some rusty rakes, horse shit, and an old tractor. They built a kick ass tank, busted back out the front door, turned the table on the bad guys, and set things right. If all they did was build a tank then proceed get their asses kicked, nobody would have bothered searching around the Los Angeles underground to hire them.

Analogcabin @ 4:50 PM
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