Let's be honest. The news sucks because it's fucking boring. Believe me, I know: I comb CNN hourly in hope of finding something... anything worthy of some low brow jokes lamely diguised as satire. If you're reading this, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Pickings is slim.

But, for me, it ain't about negativity, ya'll.

Sometimes a writer goes the extra mile to spice it up. When I notice, I feel it's my duty as a citizen of the world to bring it to your attention. For that reason, today I give you this pi&eactue;ce fantastiche by an anonymous talent at the Associated Press. Let's call him "Red Shoes." He or she turned what could have been bland PR into a provocatively erotic scenario. To wit:

In the waiting room of his office at Gibson's Nashville headquarters, the walls are lined with guitars and photos of Sting, Neil Diamond, BB King, Madonna, Hank Williams Jr. and Brooks & Dunn. His secretary answers the telephone wearing dark lingerie and black boots.

And does she ever! I'll read through the remaining 14 paragraphs on the creation and marketing of a digital guitar, and I'll do so eagerly if it means I might get some more hot secretary imagery. It's like watching scrambled Spice network -- one glimpse and the hope for another will keep my attention for hours.

I image Gibson's CEO Henry Juszkiewicz's secretary, let's call her Francine, bending over to make copies in her diaphonous black lingerie and shiny, shiny boots of leather. I imagine her taking dictation. Oh, the music she and Henry make in the Gibson offices. The strings on Neil Diamond's guitar will vibrate sympathetically and the photo of Madonna will blush.


Gibson CEO Henry Juszkiewicz conceals his boner with the company's new digital guitar.

Analogcabin @ 8:57 AM
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