I can't see a Martha Stewart story without grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw as hot rage bores out of my belly and crawls up my gullet, eventually seeping into my skin and settling in my forehead and nostrils. To be fair, though, I suspect this has as much to do with an as yet undiagnosed psychological problem I have with successful women as it does with Martha Stewart herself.

So maybe I'm a pathological misogynist, but that Stewart's lawyers are preparing to argue that she be spared jail time because her imprisonment could result in layoffs at Martha Stewart Omnimedia is complete fucking insult. It's an insult to the 99% of this country that isn't worth a billion dollars, and that doesn't get inside stock information because they don't have broker with his tongue in their asshole, if they can even afford to own stock at all. It's an insult to the soon to be laid-off employees of Stewart's company who have watched their ice-pantied boss rack up hundreds of thousands of dollars in bonuses after her indictment, in addition to her million dollar salary and virtually incalculable stock ownership in the company. It's an insult to everyone that's ever gone to jail for a minor offense because they can't afford a phalanx of morally bankrupt lawyers. I'm talking about months or years of prison time for things like, I don't know, duct taping mirrors to my shoes so I can catch a glimpse of some girl's pretty cotton undies.

Stewart's line of argument is extortion. If I were the sentencing judge in this trial, I'd require Stewart to forfeit enough of her vast fortune to guarantee that each and every one of her employees' salaries be paid for at least five times as long as the amount of time she spends in jail. Then I'd spank her naughty bottom red with a switch.

Analogcabin @ 8:27 AM
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