Europe erupted into girlish violence today as both British Prime Minister Tony Blair and German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder were attacked in separate embarrassing incidents that occurred just hours apart.

The first assault transpired during this morning's session of Britain's House of Commons. During a speech Blair was hit by two "missiles" filled with a baby blue power that was later determined to be blue corn flour. Though the assault bore all the hallmarks of a fifth grade schoolgirl prank, the pair of assailants were, in fact, determined to be grown men. While in custody they claimed membership in some wussy fathers' rights group called Fathers 4 Justice. When asked to respond to the incident, Blair said, "Maybe these fathers would get some justice if they'd stop acting like little fucking girls. I mean, be a man, for Christ's sake."

The second attack occurred while the German leader signed autographs at a rally for his Social Democrat party. Schroeder was approached and slapped across the face by a nancy boy whose name has not yet been released. Witnesses said that the slap was delivered with womanly expertise and left Schroeder with a large red mark on his left cheek. "I'm glad he didn't have long fingernails," said Schroeder of the attacker, "...but I wouldn't have been surprised."

When asked whether he feared a similar attack, US President George W. Bush said, "I don't think these Europeans playing grab ass is anything I, or Americans, have to be worried about. In fact, I welcome the pansies behind this crap to try it with me. I'd be more than happy to teach 'em what we do with that kinda queer stuff in Crawford."

Despite that the incidents share a certain foppish quality, British and German authorities do not suspect the French at this time.


Tony Blair and Gerhard Schroeder, above, were attacked in unrelated very girly incidents today.

Analogcabin @ 7:58 AM
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