This is a story about the defense of a woman, Heather Specyalski, on trial for manslaughter. Prosecutors claim she was driving Neil Esposito's car when it went off the road and crashed into some trees, killing him. Defense lawyers claim she wasn't driving Esposito's car, she was sucking his wiener. The pants on his body, found some distance from the car, were down, and Specyalski's defense claims that's proof of the road head.

I suspect a number of bloggers today read that much of the story, rushed out their stick shift jokes, and posted. It's understandable -- not everyday presents us with such low-hanging blog fruit as this. But reading the article in its entirety reveals the following bizarre and delusional quote from the prosecutor, refuting the defense's suggestion:

His pants could have been down because he was mooning a car he was drag racing. His pants could have been down because he was urinating out of a window. His pants could have been down because he wasn't feeling well.

His pants could have been down because he wasn't feeling well? It's not impossible to imagine a gentleman out for a joyride with his best girl, when he's suddenly and unfortunately stricken ill. It's closer to impossible to imagine the ailment that would inspire him to remove his pants.

Maybe rickets, but I can't think of anything else.

Analogcabin @ 1:56 PM
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