If there's one thing people ask me all the time, it's how this season's American Idol voting demographics break down. They ask, and I ignore them, of course. Rather than respond in person, which tends to be rather stinky and sexually-charged with me, I've worked it up for you right here.

J. P. Lewis, George Huff, John Stevens, Matt Rogers
As you should be able to gather, the four men draw from the "pubescent girls in search of proto-masturbatory material" demographic. This demo wants the next Clay or Ruben -- a completely non-threatening object of pseudosexual desire. Lewis works well, as he's cute, but not handsome; goofy, but not funny. Stevens, though baby-faced and awkward, has a quietness that says "touch me" -- offputting for 11-year-old girls. George Huff is too obviously gay, and that will work against him later on. But as he also pulls off the "chocolate" demographic, he'll outlast Stevens. Rogers is too much man and comes off like a date-rapist. He'll be eliminated first.

Fantasia Barrino, LaToya London, George Huff, Jennifer Hudsen
It's foolish to deny that race plays a part in Idol. A certain segment of the voting audience will never vote the "chocolate" demographic; another segment will never stray from it. So, no matter how much it's warranted, we won't see a Fantasia/LaToya final two. Fantasia will outlast LaToya for no reason other than that she's got more "Disney" and "Midler" appeal.

Camile Velasco, Jasmine Trias, LaToya London, Leah LaBelle
The "straight, male, and horny" demographic is so small as to be insignificant.

Amy Adams, Fantasia Barrino, Jennifer Hudsen
The "Midler" demographic is largely comprised of gay men in search of a fat diva, usually in over-dyed hair. Adams is the obvious choice here, though I suspect this demo's allegiance will shift quickly to the fabulous Fantasia.

Jasmine Trias, Diana DeGarmo
Without fail, the "Disney" demographic votes underage and adorable. While DeGarmo's probably got the lion's share of talent here, she's also got the lion's share of fat and annoying. Five years, thirty pounds, and some Manic Panic later, she'd do well with the "Midler"s. Trias is adorable, but she's a little too ethnic to capture the "Disney" demographic. Jasmine would be better off following Camile's lead and going less Don Ho, more Don's ho.

Crunch the numbers, and the voting should shake out something like this:
Matt Rogers, Jennifer Hudsen, Camile Velasco, Diana DeGarmo, John Stevens, Amy Adams, Jasmine Trias, George Huff, LaToya London, J.P. Lewis, Fantasia Barrino.

Analogcabin @ 12:03 PM
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