All the votes might not be in, but the race is run. It's pretty clear to everyone except that poor, retarded Kucinich boy that John Kerry will be the Democrats' nominee. Therefore, I think it's time that we focus our attention on America's next big election.

It's with that in mind that I've decided today is a good time to share my endorsements for this round of American Idol.


Camile Velasco
In her contestant interview, Camile responded to a question about what makes an American Idol with this: "A kind spirit truly in touch with the vibrations of music." Couple that hippy shit with the rasta wristband and the bong hit rasp in her voice, and you've got the recipe for a radical fucking Christmas special. Not only is this 18-year-old blessed with a sultry look and hot bod, I strongly suspect she's the kind of girl that'll make out, then pass out. What I'm trying to say is that she's good to go, and what's better than that in an Idol?


J. P. Lewis
Idaho's infamous "pen salesman" John Peter Lewis isn't just competing for himself. He's competing for all straight white men that can't dance but still have dreams of pop stardom. Unfortunately, most of us will waste our votes on tramps like Lisa Wilson, completely unaware that our avatar's singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" so we don't have to.


Charly Lowry
The origin of her partially southern, vaguely Fixadent accent is unclear, but her talent is not. She's part Dusty Springfield, part Russell Means, and all woman. I picture her in an almost threadbare wifebeater and old 501's, singing Journey's "Wheel in the Sky" between slugs off a forty of Crazy Horse malt liquor.

Remember, no vote is a vote for the status quo. Go out and make a difference, people.

Analogcabin @ 8:27 AM
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