Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Yesterday I received Playboy's gala fiftieth anniversary edition. After shaking free the subscription cards, I placed myself upon the toidy (as my ancestry calls the toilet) and prepped for a perusal and a poopie. As is customary with Playboy, the pages were cleaved with static stronger than Shoe Goo, but I peeled them apart heroically and searched for something of the appropriate length to read.

You might have noticed that I didn't describe searching out the volume's three standard pictorials. That is because I'm a gentleman not a German, and therefore choose not to mix doodie and naked lady pictures.

I settled on David Mamet's "To My Son" piece -- a laundry list of "truths about women, handshakes, and necrophilia." I was passably amused while I passed past amuses-bouche, though I found one of the truths unsettling. I'm paraphrasing because I'm lazy, but it went something along the lines of "quit school because real education comes from bourbon." Or thereabouts.

Now, I don't know about this Mamet character (his name is ominously close to Mehmet) but I'm an American, and I believe in education. School is important, because it's there that you learn stuff. I don't think learning is something Mamet and his fancy Pulizter should step to.

Now there will be those of you that say, "Step into the nineties, brother! The days of education are over. Have you looked at the standardized test scores? Schools are making children dumber than ever before. Let's just fuck the whole debacle and get stoned."

Well, I think this article might set your thinking right, friend. Schools aren't making kids dumber, retards are.

Thanks to Bush's No Child Left Behind legislation, we've been able to discover the true depth of retards' stupidity. You see, under the law, all of a school's students are required to score at or above grade level in reading and math standardized tests. That includes the retards. Unfortunately, the retards persist in dragging down school averages, and when that happens, funding gets pulled. When funding gets pulled, everyone gets hurt. That includes education, and that means learning itself suffers.

Unless you're like David Mamet and want learning to suffer, I think you know needs to be done.

Analogcabin @ 9:12 AM
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