Wednesday, December 17, 2003

There's big news today.

It's not that today's reenactment of the Wright Brothers' historic "flight" failed, thereby proving once and for all that manned aeronautics are a physical impossibility. It's not that Strom Thurmond's illicit quadroon is one of the kindest, most forgiving women ever, thereby proving that the fruit can indeed fall far from the tree. It's not that Jesse Jackson today shouted the lines, "What do we want? Justice! When do we want it? Now!", or that those lines were probably incomprehensible and mush-mouthed. It's not even that the words "illicit quadroon" appeared in the same paragraph as "Jesse Jackson" on a website that would like not to think of itself as racist.

The big news is that today is the worst day ever.

It's quite the statement, I know. Something really terrible must have happened in order for this to be the worst day ever. Some would say that Kristallnacht was the worst day ever, or the day Archduke Ferdinand's assassination led to the death of 20 million. Other more ponderous souls might say that January 3, 1938 was the worst day ever, as the splitting of the atom started us down the inextricable path toward our undoing. Wiseacres might say that the day Manimal was cancelled was the worst day ever.

Well those people are wrong because Henrik Flintegaard, custodian of Europe's largest fishtank, says so. "It's such a sad day," said Flintegaard upon hearing news that a fire caused his beloved fish tank to crack, pouring thousands of gallons of water and a lot of fish all over the floor. "The worst day ever."

The worst scene ever.
Tragedy struck a fishtank today, and the world wept.

Analogcabin @ 11:31 AM
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