Thursday, December 11, 2003
 

I'm in the middle of writing a music column for a yet-to-be-launched magazine that, according to the electronic press kit, is either for or about the lifestyles of professional athletes. I'm not totally sure what that lifestyle is, but I'm fairly certain it doesn't include much reading of music columns. I am fairly sure it includes Escalades, so I've mentioned them in the piece twice.

That lingering feeling that no one will read it and that I'm trying to write primarily about R&B -- a style of music for which I have absolutely no affinity -- is leaving me questioning the value of the internet as a primary source and whether it's possible to sound excited about Grant Hill's wife Tamia's third record when I've not heard it or her previous two.

Despite all that, I'm in the mood to write about music. Convenient, because it's the perfect time to year to unleash my list of the 10 Records I'd Love To Shove Down Your Irritatingly Hip Little '80s Button Jean Jacket Throat Until You Shit Singles.

10: Ima Robot -- Ima Robot
I haven't even heard it, and still I know that Ura Douchebag.

9: Electric Six -- Fire
The best thing about this record is that it's not playing right now. Electric Sucks.

8: Ryan Adams -- Rock N Roll
If you fling a bunch of shit against a wall, some of it will stick. It's about percentage, Ryan. Not volume. Ryan Badams.

7: The White Stripes -- Elephant
I dream of the day when Meg White stands up, walks over to Jack, and smacks the shit out of his pompous, starfucking ass. "Honestly, my biggest inspirations are Deaf Willy Rickets records, but you can only find those on wax cylinder." Smellephant.

6: The Strokes -- Room on Fire
Granted. Tom Petty's "American Girl" would have been cool if Jim Morrison sang on it. Point taken. You pulled it over on everyone once, now you have the balls to take another shot? Evidently Spin is The Strokes largest shareholder. The Jamokes.

5: Ryan Adams -- Love Is Hell, Part 1
Parker Posey. Big fucking deal. Who hasn't? Love is smell.

4: Interpol -- Turn on the Bright Lights
Turn them back off. I already passed on New Order, you poncey pricks. This wasn't even released in 2003, and still people harp on it.

3: The Rapture -- Echoes
Aren't the Strokes enough? The Crapture.

2: Ryan Adams -- Love is Hell, Part 2
Is it worse to have once been good, like Adams on Whiskeytown's Stranger's Almanac, or to be Electric Six? How 'bout This Is Hell.

1: The Darkness -- Permission to Land
Permission not granted, you ridiculous bunch of late to the irony party poseurs. Motley Crue records are still in print. They're better and funnier because they're not joking.

Analogcabin @ 12:19 PM
Permalink |

-------------------------


2003 - 2007 © TPKI, LLC
All Rights Reserved

CONTACT



BUY A SOUVENIR

BUY ME A GIFT






ADVERTISING

Hate customers?
Advertise on THE SPOONBENDER.


ARCHIVES

June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
November 2007
January 2008

CURRENT


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?
Weblog Commenting by HaloScan.com