Monday, December 15, 2003

Give me the name of a whale, and I'll give you a name better suited to a porn star.

CNN reports that Keiko, the star of Free Willy not Keiko the star of Free My Willy, was buried in a secret ceremony in Oslo on Monday.

This leaves me with a single question: Is it really fair to call it a secret when no one cares?

Keiko's "caretaker" (a euphemism for "gay lover" if I've ever heard one) was a man called Dane Richards. Dane Richards? Could there be a more obvious gay porn name? Maybe Cock O'Dickerson, but even that's not much more obvious. Anyway, Dane described Keiko's burial like this:

It was beautiful. He went to the grave quietly, quickly, and peacefully, just like he died.

As opposed to how, Dane? Going to the grave bellowing the OutKast hit "Hey Ya!" and doing the robot, just like he lived?

He was a fucking whale. Don't these people realize we captured Saddam Hussein? Don't they know what that means?

It means it's time to sing "Hey Ya!" and do the robot, baby. On and on 'til the break of dawn.

Sperm whale?
Where Do You Bury a Dead Whale? Whale-ever! [RIMSHOT]

Analogcabin @ 1:16 PM
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