These are times of tumult, America. It's easy to become caught up and to focus only on the problems of today -- the wars in Iraq and other brown countries, that I can't afford TiVO as easily as I once did, that it's more difficult than ever to find Guinness at reasonable prices, that roofies are on the radar of once unsuspecting college co-eds. But by focusing only on today, we may be forsaking tomorrow and tomorrow's tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. In a word, the future.

"What future?" you might ask.

Our children, you fucking idiot. I believe the children are our future, so we must recognize the difficulties they face day to day. We must take a stand and speak out for the sake of the younkers, for they are the leaders and caretakers and peacemakers of tomorrow.

That's why I support Our Great Miss America, Erika Harold, and her crusade against bullying.

"Bullying?" you might retardedly query. "What harm is there in this ages-old schoolyard rite of passage?"

Well, you ignorant hatemonger, perhaps you'd better take a look at this highly illuminating study. Not only does it show that bullies are more likely to become criminals, but it also shows that victims of bullying are more likely to be depressed, or even suicidal.

I know, I know. Back when you and I attended school, bullying was an innocent, almost joyful activity. Whether on the giving or receiving end of the good natured abuse, we walked away fulfilled. Hurling taunts of "fatty fatty, two by four" wasn't a misguided attempt to sooth wounds inflicted by an over-critical father or drug-abusing mother, and being shoved roughly into a garbage can with a "homo" sign stapled to your back didn't result in a cripplingly distorted self-image.

Those days are over, you pimple-faced bitch. Today's children face even more rigorous bullying than ever before, and lest we become a nation of parolees and sallow-skinned nancy boys unable to even ask a girl out let along get laid, we must meet Miss America's call to arms, and remember her brave words.

"It started out with people calling me names, and then it got worse. They threw things at me, they vandalized my house, and they sang nasty songs about me in school hallways and classrooms."

Analogcabin @ 2:21 PM
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