The legions of you who are dedicated readers and rabid fans know that there are certain things I just don't cotton. Racism is one. Sexism is another. Nuclear arms proliferation, hunger, and disease are some more. A sixth biggie for me, a behavior I find particularly reprehensible, is the sexual harassment of personal assistants. Call me old-fashioned, but some relationships are sacred. I believe that of cloistered, infantile celebrity and shallow, parasitic assistant is one of those sacred bonds.

I say this for the benefit of new readers -- those right now caught in the precious and few moments after they've stumbled upon this site and before they recognize my genius and insight, a recognition which quickly gives way to awe, tingling psychosexual arousal, and unadulterated fandemonium. Regular readers won't confuse the misogyny below with the actual hating of women, but the neophyte may.

I know you're wondering what hot-button topic warrants this kind of prolegomenon. It's Greatest Actor of His Generation, Tom Sizemore, and the trials, metaphorical and actual, that have been unjustly thrust upon him.

The CNN article discusses allegations outlined in a lawsuit filed by one Paulina Briones, Sizemore's personal assistant. She claims that, as Sizemore's assistant, she was required to wake him up, field his calls, fetch him soft drinks, and prepare methamphetamines and Vicodin for his consumption. For accomplishing these tasks satisfactorily, she was paid $1,500 each week. That's $72,000 each year.

Doctors and college professors make less than that in many parts of the country, and all Briones had to do was deliver the Pepsi cold and cut a decent line.

Sure, she also alleges that Sizemore once answered the door naked and requested she perform a sex act in exchange for $5,000. The article doesn't specify which sex act, so for all we know it could have been a simple hand job, or perhaps even any act of her choosing, and maybe not even on or near Sizemore. If anything, Sizemore should be convicted of overpaying.

Regardless, what's really got my goat here is that Briones named CBS as a defendant in her lawsuit simply because the fine, unjustly cancelled Robbery Homicide Division was shooting during her employment. Even if Sizemore had physically restrained her with silken lashes, administered suppository doses of peyote, doused her with India ink, and beaten her about the head and neck with his genitalia, I don't think CBS would have anything to do with it.

And that's why I'm taking this brave stand here and now. I demand CBS be dropped from Briones v. Sizemore, et al.

Analogcabin @ 1:56 PM
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