May 22, 2003

Michael LePlae
Human Resources
Stehman\Diddle\McMickey
7436 Tacoma Dr.
Santa Barbara, CA 92323

Dear Michael:

I am writing in response to your listing on monster.com for an account services assistant.

As you can see from my resume, I have no prior experience in advertising. Regrettable, I know, but my schedule over the past two decades-- I have written, produced and directed several feature films-- left little time for me to explore other avenues. However, filmmaking is an organic process. You're constantly picking things up along the way. I think I have picked up several things which I think could make excellent antecedents to a career in advertising.

For instance, I once took a typing class, as preparation for my role in "The Player." I played a stenographer in the scene where Tim Robbins takes his pants off for Peter Gallagher (totally improvised, by the way). In case you're wondering, the scene was eventually cut from the film. Not because my typing was unconvincing, you understand. I simply had second thoughts about appearing in the picture. We went a little "cameo crazy" on that one, as I'm sure you remember. Maybe I felt left out. I don't know.

Incidentally, it was my cinematographer Tak Fujimoto who recommended me to Stehman\Diddle\McMickey. I understand he shot several Nissan spots for you last August. While working on my last film, "Gosford Park," he couldn't stop talking about what a great experience he'd had working in commercials. He suggested I contact you about entry-level opportunities. At first I played like I wasn't interested. Why I can't say. Maybe to save face? I may have made some comment about maintaining artistic integrity, to which Tak just smiled. Then, two takes later, he turned and said, "Hey, Altman. Head down to the corner store. See if your glowing Pauline Kael reviews can buy us a good cup of coffee." That Tak-- he has such a brilliant, pointed sense of humor. You wouldn't know from looking at him. So versatile, too, as a DP. A real collaborator. Anyway, point was taken.

You'll have to excuse me. I have never been good at writing cover letters. My agent (Lou Ackerman? At CAA? He claims you've met) is constantly hounding me about this. "Too colloquial" is what it usual comes down to. One time I showed him a cover letter I sent to a temp agency in Richmond, VA, and he tore it up, called it "horsesh*t." "This will never sell anybody," he screamed. "Where is your contact information? How can they give you a job if they can't f**king find you, you vagabond hippy sh*tbag. And what's with all these contractions! I've told you a million times, no f**king contractions in a cover letter!" I hadn't seen him that mad since I gave Paramount that 4 hour cut of "The Gingerbread Man."

S\D\M seems to me to be a great opportunity, a chance to be a part of something big, fun and different, and I know I have a lot to offer as a candidate. I thought if I gave you a quick summary of my skills and job history, you could offer some advice on where I could or should start within the agency. I realize that directing a feature film does not necessarily qualify me to work in advertising. I hope you can ignore the commercial failure of many of my projects, and instead accept my interest in the job as a genuine desire to learn and grow.

Thanks for your consideration. Let me say again, I think I would make an excellent assistant. Should you need to contact me, please call Janee, my assistant, at 818-555-7856.

Sincerely,

Robert Altman
Enclosure (1)

Jimmy Saffron @ 10:29 PM
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